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The mainstream image of romance has long reinforced the idea that desire belongs only to young people, as if love has a strict expiry date. Addressing this narrative, veteran actor Neena Gupta spoke about the stereotypes and the ignorance surrounding the idea that older women don’t crave intimacy or emotional connection. In an interview with Bollywood Bubble, along with Anupam Kher, for their upcoming movie Metro… In Dino, she spoke about it.
Older women also dream of intimacy
Women, in particular, have their individuality chipped away with age as they take on new roles, as mothers and homemakers. But in the process, they sadly end up letting go of their own desires and identity. Neena Gupta highlighted how this instinct is deep-rooted, stems from societal expectations that push women to ‘let go,’ but that doesn’t mean they actually want to or have to.
Neena Gupta said, “Yeh mat socho ki saath ya sattar ya assi saal ka aadmi ya aurat ko romance ki iccha nahi hoti hogi. Hamare khas kar ladies, India ki ladies sochte hai, ki bas ab toh hogaya. Chalis ke baad hi soch liya ho gaya. Ab mein dekhti hu, middle-aged ladies, gym mein jati hai, they want to remain fit. Iccha toh honi chahiye na, iccha se hi toh voh noor ata hai. Jab sas mein sas hai, who doesn’t dream? (Don’t think that just because a man or woman is 60, 70, or 80 years old, they no longer desire romance. Especially we, Indian women, think that it’s all over with some deciding by 40 itself. But now I see middle-aged women going to the gym, wanting to stay fit. That desire, that’s what brings a glow. As long as you are breathing) Tell me which woman or man doesn’t dream. Men still go out and do something. But women don’t… aged women. Do you think they don’t dream? “
Neena Gupta very firmly challenged the internalised belief women may have about ‘retiring’ themselves from desire and passion, especially after becoming mothers. But she is also hopeful as more and more middle-aged women are becoming more conscious, heading to gyms, and reclaiming their spaces, shedding the shame.
Benefits of keeping the spark alive in older relationships
Several researchers have clearly pointed out that intimacy in old age is beneficial for overall well-being. And it’s not just the scientific community; even older couples are acknowledging the benefits. Relationships are expected to tone down with age, as sex becomes somewhat of a taboo, tied to ideas like ‘too old for sex.’ But keeping intimacy alive, including a good sex life, can actually strengthen the bond. According to an AARP national survey of adults aged 40 and above, 61% believe that sexual activity helps maintain a strong relationship in later years.
Moreover, as per the National Council on Aging, a good relationship can substantially boost mental wellbeing by releasing oxytocin, the ‘happy hormone.’ It also helps keep stress levels low, as having someone to talk to and lean on provides much-needed emotional support and a sense of security. A sense of security is required for healthy ageing.
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